im a naive little girl (cont.)

I say im going to be strong but i cant im naive and stupid and dependant.

I hate having feelings

I feel like a fool.

like a dumb, fool.

dumb little naive girl.

who believed her world could be lollipops and gumdrops.

and that dates consisted of cheerful skipping.


with cheesy romantic dialogue straight from love movies, the ones featured in Cannes of course.


I hate crying myself to sleep. i hate not sleeping. tomorrow i have to work early.

why?

Tomorrow I will wake up once again, frantically checking my phone for any missed calls or texts and will realize that a big chunk of me is gone.


I hate it.

hate it all.

I grind my teeth as i type this post, I am a fool.


A week ago I could have easily told you I am with the man I am going to spend my life with. The one i was going to grow old with, and care for, and bake the sweetest things because he likes sweets rather than sours.


blind dates with fake movie tittles. exploring nature in our adventures.


now its all in the past. The shitty shitty past. why? BC I let it happen. I was naive. I was not careful.


Im naive.


So naive.


What will the future hold for me?

I know.


I will be busy putting my heart together.